On June 18, 2014 I lost
my father. I didn't really lose him; I'm sure he went to the place
where good people go after they die. After Dad's death I began
doing, what I believe many of us do when losing someone close, and
that is reevaluate our own lives, searching for life’s meaning and
quickly giving up the search for life’s meaning.
But, like Lazarus,
questions do arise.
Are we where we wanted to
be at this stage of our lives? When we die what will be said about
us? Will any of the nice things said be true?
Recently, being up close
and personal with the process of dying and death, I realize how
little it means how much a person had while he lived. I admit having
is important from a practical point when you are "top side,"
but in the end it boils down, not to what you had, but to who you
were. As the old Italian proverb says, Once
the game is over the king and the pawn go back into the same box.
Dad had a little stuff as
a child, got his stuff during his life, and at the end I stood with
Jean looking over a small box with a few clothes, his telephone and a
razor. His stuff. But for three days I heard genuine heartfelt
stories of what a good man he was. They didn't have to tell me, I
grew up with his values, morals, beliefs and most importantly, his
example. It was who he was
that will live on.
Back to us. Who are we?
What will people say about us when we "join the great majority."
Will people have to think long and hard for something nice to say
about us? Will people not attend our funeral but tweet their
approval of its actually happening?
Death is the last thing we
will ever do in this life. We can't do anything about what people
think of us after death (unless everybody is included in the will).
What are we doing about it now? As was said, A
friend of mine stopped smoking, drinking, over eating and chasing
women--all at the same time. It was a lovely funeral.
By funeral time that part of us that lives on is set in the minds
and hearts of those we leave behind.
The uber majority of us
will not find the cure for cancer, be first to set foot on the Sun
(Tip: only do that at night, it's too hot during the day.) or become
professional athletes, but every day we can live a life that others,
especially others who look up to us, can learn from. What are people
who look up to you learning?
When the attendees at your
service gather in the back of the room, when your family is not
around, to discuss how old everyone else has gotten, what are they
going to say about you? Will they genuinely discuss what a good
person you were? Will you leave pleasant memories? When they think of
you, will they get a brain-smile?
If your answer is "No,"
or "I don't know," and you are alive enough to read this,
there is still time.
Here are a couple of
random ideas how we can "work well with others" while there
is still time.
Golden Rule: "Do
unto others as you would have them do unto you." Don't do
it. I personally don't buy that rule. What if others don't want done
unto them what you like done unto you? It's a good start, but to be a
good person, wouldn’t it be better to take some time to determine
what others want done unto them, before you done do it to them?
Hippocratic Oath:
Drastically summarized and
paraphrased is, "Do
no harm." Live
your life with that motto in mind. Do no harm, and if you have any
time left over, do some good. Given the human condition, there may
not be too much time left over.
No Expectations.
This is my own personal rule. What helps to make us unhappy is when
someone else doesn't live up to our expectations. When we are
unhappy, there is a good chance we're not as nice to others as we
would normally be. If we don't expect anything, we're never
disappointed, therefore happier more of the time.
I know it's not that
important in the grand scheme of things that everyone like us. (Since
that's impossible, I'm glad it's not that important.) But, I got to
be a part of the life a very good man, and I think I'd like to shoot
for that kind of a life.
