SECOND HAND SMOKE

Two days before Christmas in '98 the stockings were hung by the chimney with care, chestnuts were roasting on an open fire, sugarplums were head-dancing, and our dogs were tearing apart a little, gray kitten.

'Tis the season.

Living in a more rural area sometimes we unintentionally play host to families of feral cats, this was one of those times--we were not very good hosts.

My son Dave was home for Christmas, and he and his mother were playing in the snow. The tranquility of the moment was disturbed when they saw (and heard) the kitten being worked over pretty well by two of our otherwise friendly dogs, who must have thought they had received an early Christmas present.

Extricating the dog-spit-covered feline was a trick in itself, but the dogs didn't stand a chance against Jean's maternal instincts. The dogs lost their present, and we gained a second cat.

Smokey the cat is now almost 17 years old, now always an indoor cat (his idea and ours), well-fed, shy, warm and loved. For Smokey to go from very perilous existence in the wild to a protected life in our home he had to go through being used as a pull toy by creatures fifteen times his weight.

For us to from what we are now to what we can become, do we also have to be metaphorically pulled apart by the big dogs of life?

Sadly for many of us, that's the case. Smokey would never have experienced the solace in Jean's arms if being held by a human hadn't been infinitely better than the pain of being chomped on by large, canine incisors.

To leave what we currently have, staying must be too painful. That is the root reason anyone would choose to change. As long as we perceive what we have now to be less painful than facing the "dogs" of a potentially brighter future, we ain't goin' nowhere.

If Smokey could only have reasoned that once he got through this dog thing, the rest of his life would be better, he might have gone looking for the dogs.

How are we different from Smokey the cat?

To change our job requires facing the dogs of interviews, working with strangers, new policies and procedures and a chance of failure.

To change our house requires facing the dogs of paperwork, meeting new neighbors, leaving old neighbors, arranging for furniture moving, new grocery and liquor stores and additional financial obligations.

To change a relationship requires facing the dogs of tears, meeting new people, self-doubt, additional financial obligations and a chance of failure.

Maybe it's time we consider all the good things we have in our lives and think about the dogs we had to face to get them. Don't leave an even greater future unexplored. Grab a box of treats, a can of citronella spray and wade through the pack, because sometimes to get what’s best we have to experience what’s worse.

THERE IS HOPE, I HOPE

I'm seeing slight glimmers of hope.

Over the years, I have been very down on the leaders of the Black community. They have constantly portrayed Blacks as victims. When your only power is in your victimhood, you are not inclined to give it up. When you are a victim, you have no control; what or who is victimizing you has to let you go before you can go on. That is certainly a downside, but the upside to victimhood, and why so many buy into this fallacy, is you are no longer responsible for what you do.

Every time an unfortunate situation like Baltimore, Ferguson or New York occurs, out come the "It's not your fault" chants from the Black leaders from the President on down. The latest speech by Hillary (echoing the President) basically said our social system must be unfair and unjust because there is an inordinate number of Blacks in jail. (Is there another reason why that could be true?) The "leaders" chant that this high Black "unfair" incarceration rate is what is responsible for the 70% of families being without a father. I'm sure that's true to some degree, but is it also possible that our increasingly generous and condescending welfare system makes a fragmented family possible if not desirable?

But, I'm seeing slight glimmers of hope.

What I am seeing is the "folks" are filling the void the leaders are creating. Lately, I have heard more interviews with common people affected by the rabble in their midst who recognize what has to be done. This change in the African-American relationship with the rest of society, since it does not appear to be in the Black leadership's interest for any change to happen, this change must begin from the ground up, from the inside out. If substantial change is to occur in the black community, it requires a change in behavior. Truly changing one's behavior is not as easy as it sounds because a true change in behavior requires a change in belief. Once the folks stop believing they are victims, they can start behaving in a way more consistent with a civilized society.

I have seen in those interviews, people who are concerned about things every rational person is concerned about -- the safety of their families and themselves. They desperately want neighborhoods they can live in, not neighborhoods they can die in.

Those who will be the from the ground up leaders of tomorrow will recognize they cannot entrust the future to those in the school system who reward poor performance with advancement to the next level of failure; tomorrow's leaders will not accept that. Leaders cannot entrust the future to the judicial system which negates negative consequences to anti-social actions and just seems to bestow creds on the punks; tomorrow's leaders will not accept that. Leaders cannot entrust the future to the streets where dress and language more reflect some bizarre social club than people who want to contribute to society; tomorrow's leaders will not accept that.

For the last few years, I found it seriously humorous that on every TV show there was the obligatory major black character. Consistent with social progress, today that character has to be in a biracial relationship. While I am cynical enough to believe the producers are doing this to keep Al Sharpton out of their offices, this does have for "Hollywood" positive unintended consequences. The everyday Blacks, who the leaders have labeled as victims, are seen living a life outside of prison, speaking and dressing like prosperous citizens, being a part of an intact family, raising respectful children, and most importantly, not being held down by "the man." These are images the ordinary folks do not get from their leaders and images they must have to create the world in which they desperately wish and deserve to live.

I'm seeing slight glimmers of hope.